Sometimes I feel so small, and then I lock myself in a very small box. So wherever I look at, all I can see is the thing or the person that currently in my mind. I feel like my world is spinning around that one little thing and feel so pitiful for myself, that thought turns me into a small little girl who knows nothing to do but hangs so tightly to the toxic that slowly destroys me. Emotion kicks in and everything is dark and hard to handle, I can be so stupid to realize that I was disrespected and satirized so badly. This small box is bad, very bad.
Whenever it happens, I have to try to break out, everyday is my battle field, I fight my own self, my own devil, force my self to open my eyes widely, think harder to find the way out. I don’t hate myself for that, and I always know when it happens. During my fighting time, I get much more stronger and so much better at facing difficulties. Maybe I will break down, but I can get back on faster, find the right choice faster, and be a better version of me.
I really sound like a 16 years old girl right now, somehow I know that part of me will never grow up, maybe I can be stronger, but my emotion remains the same, when something like that happens again, I clearly will lock myself up again.
After all, this is my life, this is me, and I’m still living, can’t ask for more.
elng's closet 